Honest crimes

Last winter me and Chubby were getting a little stir crazy holed up in Granny Boots’ wood shack.  We got evicted from public housing and been living in Granny’s shack since first snowfall.  We got a 10 gallon drum woodstove and run a snareline up the snye.  We get three bucks a skinned rabbit from old Edwin Steamboat who got a general store down by the river.  He turn around and sell them at six bucks apiece.  I get an idea about how we could get out of town for free.

Every other week someone or other is going outside for checkup.  Not only that but they get to take along someone called a chaperone.  I talk Chubby into complaining to the nurse about his bum knee.  Chubby was hauling honey bucket last winter and he slip on the ice and twist his knee. His knee been healed since then but why take a chance is what I say.

Me I got no problem telling the odd BS story but Chubby got growed up in Church and he can’t even take fifty cents out of the collection plate.  One time we took two gulps of church wine and Granny Boots give us a good licking with a willow.  So dishonesty is not one of Chubby’s attributes.

I walk Chubby up to the nursing station like he’s got a bad knee.  If you’re gonna say you have one bad knee, you can’t take turns limping on each leg.  I was so busy telling Chubby about West Edmonton Mall I didn’t notice he was taking turns limping.  What we don’t know is Ida Scow is sitting on her porch having a smoke and watch us the whole time.  She know we’re up to no good when she see us walk into the nursing station.

The nurse got Chubby’s pants rolled up and feeling around his leg.  He’s ticklish to begin with so when that old woman start touching his leg he start to giggle.  Ida stick her head in the door and tell us our shack is burning down.  I shoot past her and down the stairs.  Chubby is right behind me.  The nurse and Ida watch us run down the road.  We march right back to nursing station to confront Ida.  Halfway there Chubby stop me.  He say we’re gonna get caught in a lie and might even have to do community service again. 

We hide from the nurse and RCMP for two weeks before Ida catch up to us.  She give us big speech about budget cuts to health and social services and how it’s people like us give our people a bad name.  Chubby start crying and I solace him before he tell Ida it was my idea.  I’m whispering to him that I’m going to give him my Nintendo if he don’t blame me.  Ida run out of words and walk away.  I breath a sigh of relief and Chubby rub his eyes and smile cause no tears in his eyes.  I feel proud of Chubby for going along with my act but getting kinda worried too.  I hope I don’t corrupt him too much.  But then again, sitting in court is kinda lonely and having Chubby there would be kinda nice.   


About inuvik61

Filmmaker, apprentice bluesman. columnist, father, husband, master, and champion to all those who missed their boats.
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