Me and Chubby

Me and Chubby got growed up together here on the Rabbitskin Reserve.  Rabbitskin is so small you could yell at your neighbor other end of town.  We got one taxi, one coffeeshop, and one RCMP.  Me and Chubby been buddies since we both got kicked out of grade six.  Me for not shaving and Chubby for impaired driving.  We live in Granny Boot’s old woodshack.  She make us cut wood and snare rabbits for rent. 

We got what they call a “depressed” economy so we have to be creative.  Me and Chubby steal power from the RCMP by running sixteen extension cords from their office to our shack.  John Paul Rubber Boot is only RCMP in Rabbitskin and he’s not the sharpest axe in the shed.  One time we talk him into loaning us the police car for Harvey Dogpot’s stag party.  We all well into a batch of Harvey’s “slough juice,” a rank homebrew made from molasses and potatoes when Harvey jump in the cop car and do sixty-eight donuts in front of Effie’s Café.  John Paul Rubber Boot is standing outside the whole time.  He start yelling in English but his mouth is working too hard so he finish in French.

Me I’m not too much for work but Chubby wash dishes at Effie’s Café when her regular dishwasher, Armand Cardinal, go AWOL, about once a week, usually Saturday mornings.  I did one shift back in the eighties but my hands are too sensitive for all that hot water.  Ida Scow who work at the band office say I should write a book on excuses cause I got so many of them.  But what she don’t know is I use my creative genius to make a living.  Like that time me and Chubby got stuck in Vancouver and I had to kill a goose in Stanley Park so we could have supper.

Old Isaac Ratskin is only medicine man left.  Father Binette try his best to convert Isaac but no luck.  Old Isaac try to pass his medicine onto me but my attention span is not too long sometimes.  I tried a few times to make some potion or other and most time it backfire on me.  One time Ida Scow been having bad dreams and Isaac was up river cutting cord wood.  She phone me so I made her dream potion from tree sap and beaver piss like old Isaac told me.  What I forget is I’m supposed to use beaver “pits,” those little balls of fat on beaver skin.  She never call back since.

Even though Chubby was born here, he lived in Edmonton for few years in foster care.  His mom had TB and his real dad is in penitentiary so nobody to look after him.  My mom and dad got too many damn kids to feed another mouth so they have to ship him out.  His foster dad is damn near hundred years old but he still mail Chubby a handwritten letter with ten dollars in it once in a while.  That money come in handy when we run short of grub.

Everyday we seem to be getting in some kind of trouble.  I can be kinda stubborn but everytime we get in trouble, I learn something.  Most times Granny Boots whip us with a willow and read to us from Aesops Fables to make us go straight.  But I think living crooked is more fun.  Rabbits for sale.  Call 2262.


About inuvik61

Filmmaker, apprentice bluesman. columnist, father, husband, master, and champion to all those who missed their boats.
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